Severus Snape (severusslur) wrote,
Severus Snape
severusslur

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27th of December, 1996

If anyone of you sadly enough should feel kept in breathless suspense, tricked or otherwise fiercely neglected, I can assure that it was done entirely on purpose, and not all the annoying garden gnomes in the world (I do appreciate the irony, Fletcher, but as you hinted at, I think my rubbish bin appreciates it even more) may make me change my mind. I will not be handing out presents like any Father Christmas who has applied one Cheering Charm too many to himself, nor will I ever do so in the future.

That being said, I must say I quite like the castle when it is so blessedly clean for students. May they choke on their Christmas puddings in peace.

I have done some reading. I have taken care of some, ahem, pressing correspondence, and I have happily disposed of all the (well, three of them, to be quite exact) so-called presents wrapped in gift paper from Zonko’s and carrying the handwriting of some of the more abominable students that Hogwarts has ever been unfortunate to hold.

The fact that I have just witnessed Trelawney getting sloshed on chocolate liqueurs in the staff room does of course help my spirits, but the subsequent incident in which she ended up snogging the mentally challenged house-elf that came up to wipe away her regurgitation is the thing that really sets this Christmas apart from the others.

That, and a couple of other occurrences.
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Well, there's always my birthday.

Hah! I have more presents than you!
Oh, grow up.

They're probably just heaps of your old underwear, sent back to you by the hordes you so cockily brag about, anyway.
You know you want hordes of needy woman to send you underwear, Sev... *laughs* Hell, I'd like that.

The truth is I don't sleep with so maany women. Believe it or not, it's not my goal in life.
Hell, I'd like that.
It is not like I would ever send you the more revolting undergarments, so I cannot really comprehend your satisfaction here.

The truth is I don't sleep with so maany women. Believe it or not, it's not my goal in life.
Funny you should do everything in your power to convince the rest of the world otherwise, then.
I am a funny person. :p
And a very conceited one as well.
Hah, at least my hair is clean.
I might also add unimaginative. Old insults are ineffective insults, Doctor.
Not really true. You know you could wash it more often.
I refuse to take any advice about my personal hygiene. It is a thousand times better than yours in any case, no matter how you look upon it.

And I should know, having spent quite some time sitting crunched next to you in cramped places during the war.
War times are one thing, and now that I finally have a shower of my own is a very different other thing.

You don't really want me to comment about your hair during the war, do you?
Oh, so you do have a shower? I thought that the sweat smell was something that all who are associated with Quidditch must bear.

According to you, my hair can not possibly get any worse than it already is, so I don't see the harm in a couple of amusing and off-target comments from you. Give it your best go, Fletcher.

This is no fun. then. You cannot be willing!
Watch me smirk.

Reversed psychology. Once you are allowed to do it, suddenly it loses all its appeal.

And it shall stay that way in future, understand?
No way you can avoid me telling you your hair looks like an oil spill.
Now we are beginning to get better. Perhaps--if you keep up this progress, that is--you will actually be able to insult me some day.

Re:

mundundungus

14 years ago

severusslur

14 years ago

Re:

mundundungus

14 years ago

severusslur

14 years ago

Re:

mundundungus

14 years ago

severusslur

14 years ago

Re:

mundundungus

14 years ago

severusslur

14 years ago

Re:

mundundungus

14 years ago

Is my present the only one that did not end up in the trash bin? Oh, I am so flattered...

Trelawney did what???
Well, I found out it tasted quite all right despite my first prejudices towards it.

And yes, she did. Pity you weren't there really, but as she started to advance on me after the little bugger of an elf had scuttled off, who knows what she might have done to the others present.
Ah, the inconveniences of not frequenting the Staff Room...

Advance on you? Where's that bitch?
Believe me, I'd rather wish Minerva had not dragged me with her. The amusing factor of Trelawney's first actions rather dropped when she started doing other things.
Which things?
Things not worth mentioning, as I do not want to hurt your delicate person.

I feel I must add that I do know how to escape from the staff room in a very sly way, though.
Go. Away.
I already have. It is you that followed me.
AWAY!

*doesn't answer*